The year was 2004. I was at university. I was unhappy and attempting to expand my mind and become wise. I was so young and foolish, I was only 21.
Long story short, I had trashed my study-bedroom. I had thrown out my bed, and the floor was littered with all manner of rubbish. And I had written mad, fevered ravings all over the walls! I had basically locked myself in my room in a pressure-cooker of solitude, music, drugs, and creative writing. Which is actually I think a good combination of fun things although I went about enjoying them in an unhealthy way and don't suggest others do what I did. I'm not saying "do as I say and not as I do", I'm just telling you to be careful as I am concerned about you, that's all. It is possible for you to learn from my experience without having to go through it yourself.
Needless to say, I lost my deposit, and had to foot the clean-up bill, which came to a few hundred quid. They'd have needed to repaint the walls, get a new bed, a new carpet, and some new furniture!
My student residence, back in 2004!
One day, as I was stood on a chair writing something or other on the wall the fire alarm went off. I was working something out, I was trying to understand the relationship between the mind, the spirit, and reality. Interesting stuff!
So, all the residents of the building I was living in evacuated, and congregated outside. It was a false alarm. All the other students had stopped cooking, or doing uni work or relaxing to go outside whereas I had to pause trying my best to acquire an understanding of the entire cosmos and how everything comes together and works!
I wrote so many notes and diagrams, I wish I still had them so I could look back on that time with a more sober and informed mind.
Suddenly, after I went out into the street a powerful thought thundered into my mind, and I became very aware of the phrase:
"You don't think, therefore you're not"
This was a very clear signal in an otherwise agitated and over-stimulated mind and it would be many years until I came to appreciate its significance to my condition, for a long while this event simply bewildered me but the experience itself was unforgettable
Twenty-two years has past since then and I am now a very different person, and am happy with the way I am.
I think that by now, after all those years that is no longer the case and the following is now true:
"I think I am, therefore I am"
Sorry if all this is a little cryptic but I will explain all this in some other time when I myself understand it better, I don't really understand what's going on right now myself but I'm sure I will later...
To any regular readers out there: sorry for not updating in a while! I intend to update some of the stuff on this website to bring it more in-line with how I currently understand things but I think it's mostly good.
Take care everyone
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