Am I a Christian?

Am I a Christian?

Short answer: Yes

But allow me to expand!

If there was an historic Jesus then I somewhat doubt that he’d correspond directly to the Jesus of the gospels

But I am pretty sure that such a man did exist, in a way that inspired the gospels

That's just the way my mind works and I cannot readily account for that belief

Although I think it is likely that much has been added to those, as well as much removed and much modified

Did he rise from the dead? I have no idea, I wasn’t there

But I go along with the idea that he did, as a matter of faith

Although granted, the gospels could have been divinely inspired in one way or another

However, I like to imagine that there was such a man, who lived a remarkable and exemplary life and was full of wisdom even if things weren’t exactly as they are recorded as having been in the bible

I also believe that he may have been absorbed into The Divine Agency having finally died

And I am aware that that is not a strictly Christian belief

Now here’s the thing:

If he did truly live as recorded in the bible and all that is true (and I am very open to that being the case indeed I do actually believe that) then I would accept him as my Lord and Saviour:

This is on the condition that he exists (and note “exists” rather than “existed”!)

Which I think is reasonable enough

That would therefore make me a Christian!

If he exists then I believe in him and follow him and if he doesn’t exist or did and is now dead (and therefore not Lord) then I still think he’s a cool character, a cool thought experiment

If he exists then I follow him and to be a Christian you have to believe that he is still alive! 

To be a Christian is to follow Jesus as your Lord, not to simply like a literary character

I mean Batman is a pretty cool guy but he is not my Lord and Saviour and I don't follow his example and teachings although if I did then crime in my local area would be much lower!

If Jesus doesn’t exist and isn’t still alive I’m still a fan, even if he is only fictitious

And on balance I do think Jesus is still alive in an extraordinary way and is therefore Lord

So I think that qualifies me to be able to meaningfully call myself a Christian

And I do so in a way that acknowledges that although I have a degree of doubt I am still willing to make a leap of faith and to live my life in a Christian way

At the end of the day it is about faith and I have faith in Jesus and Christianity as a true and valid path

As far as my daily life goes, I try and live in a Christian way even if a great many of my beliefs are not at all Christian

I suppose I am basically an unorthodox Christian!

So yes, if he is truly out there then he is my Lord and Saviour

And I behave and think as though he is!

And if he isn’t then those stories that feature him are still pretty cool

So yes, I’d say that makes me a Christian

And I am also a member of a Christian church, so I am a Christian in that sense too, as in I am affiliated with a Christian community

And I always take Holy Communion whenever it is on offer, as a means of pledging myself to Jesus and honouring him as my Lord

Monotheism Or Polytheism?

If you click on this following link you will be taken to a page where I discuss my God Concept. I think that if you want to read this article then you should have a look at this link first:

Click here to read about my God Concept

So... am I Monotheist or a Polytheist?

• I believe that God is The Universe and that The Universe is God
• I believe that there is only one Universe (by definition - "uni" means "one")
• Therefore: There is only one God

However - God exists as a multitude of persons who are combined into one being: The Divine Agency.

But, regarding the nature of the cosmos, there is one God, who behaves as one, in a unified way and interacts with humans as a single entity. It is The Divine Agency as a whole who controls The Universe, not any one member.

But at the end of the day, it is a single being. Yet is has many persons. Sometimes they all agree unanimously, at other times they don't, but they always end up getting their business done

It is a form of collective leadership, in which the aim is to reach a consensus

God is not work like a King - he works like a Committee

The ways in which God works are systematic, bureaucratic, and governed by laws - a constitution if you will

God does not rule, he governs

Everything it does is thought through

It doesn't get angry, and it would never smite anyone in anger

Think of it as being like the Christian trinity - only with many more parts!

Maybe the members of The Divine Agency are somehow like saints?

Anyway: If God is the thing that controls the way in which The Universe exists then there is only one God.

However, God is fragmented into separate personalities. And it is possible for a person to be elevated to The Divine Agency - when that happens they lose some of their individuality and are absorbed but in such a way that their wisdom and knowledge is preserved.

And no, they don't wear robes, live on clouds, have wings or halos - none of that. They exist in a non-physical dimension and exist differently to how people exist down on Earth.

We experience our reality as bipedal apes. But The Divine Agency are not bipedal apes. They live in a much higher dimension to us. That is difficult for the mind of a bipedal ape to imagine.

To Conclude:

I don't think I am either.

I reject both labels - as "one" and "many" are problematic to me

If I had to choose a category, I would say "Panentheist"

Basically, this is the position that The Universe and God are the same, but that God exists beyond whatever counts as The Universe

That shifts the emphasis of how many there are onto what the cosmos is like

That's me

That's what I think is true

I'm not obsessed with being Monotheist like some Abrahamics are

And I don't believe there is a class of Gods whose all too human affairs govern events down on Earth - like how the Greeks and Romans believed, and also the Hindus

So yes, I am a Theist

But a Panentheist, not a Monotheist or a Polytheist

Beyond Death: Salvation By Audit

So…. Here’s a big question:

What happens to you after you die?

It’s an age-old question and as a non-human being I have the feeling that those who believe in what I say may want to know

I think the most common beliefs which people have are that you go to either Heaven or Hell or get reincarnated either as another human or as some other kind of animal. Based on your conduct on Earth.

I believe that what eventually happens is a secret, that The Divine Agency don’t want people to know. 

However – I have been informed that we do know what happens immediately after we die but not what happens after that. It is therefore possible to know what happens immediately after you die but not what happens after that, and the reason for that is that it depends.

I believe that the definition of death is the end of your body being alive. But people are also spirit and mind. And although these work inside the brain I believe they endure after the body dies, and enter a new, non-physical mode of existence.

I believe in Salvation by Audit. I believe that after death you are judged, according to an extensive criteria based upon the values of The Divine Agency. I believe that such audits are both deep, detailed, and cover every aspect of your conduct on Earth and whether or not you are a good egg. I imagine that it would feel a bit like a post-life debriefing. That everything will be explained to you and the fate of your soul finally revealed to you.

Everyone is audited by the same standards. It is the same for all humans.

All the good factors and all the bad factors are considered in great depth and then a final ruling is made as to the fate of your soul and where the best place is for you to go, according to justice.

The Audit determines the fate of your soul but it’s conclusions are determined on your conduct whilst down on Earth. It is entirely in your power to behave in such a way that you get a positive Audit. And all the better if you take responsibility for your failings, admit regret, and want to put things right.

In Christianity, some think that salvation (being spared Hell) is achieved simply by accepting Jesus as Lord and others that “works” (i.e. your conduct) are important. Personally, I think these are both factors in the Audit, although simply professing a belief in God and then not doing anything about it won’t help you!

I don’t know the name of the being who judges peoples souls, but that is not Madaba’s job. But there will be some being out there. Some may say that it will be Jesus Christ. And maybe it will. That is entirely possible. On balance, I neither support nor oppose that idea.

Also, this being will be capable of assessing tens of thousands of people per second, giving each of them his/her full attention. Because they are not human.

I believe that the Audit happens right after you die, that there is no special “Judgement Day” on which everyone is judged in one go, having been at rest, or in suspended animation awaiting judgement.

The Divine Agency don’t want people to know what possible outcomes of The Audit there are, which leads me to suspect that what happens to people after death is tailored according to the character and deeds of the people being judged.

However, I think we can speculate about possibilities: 

• Heaven (nice place)
• Hell (bad place)
• Purgatory (people actually believe this, so maybe it is now a thing) 
• Annihilation (no more existence for you!)
• Fragmentation (being split into multiple beings)
• Combination (being combined with other beings)
• Some kind of Moksha or Nirvana (moving up to Upstairs?)
• Reincarnation (have another go)

But for all we know there are further possibilities, that we can’t come up with as we don’t know exactly how things work.

Spiritual But Not Religious

This article is a personal article

I'm not writing it in my capacity as Madaba, this is Downstairs Madaba's own personal thoughts about how he lives down here on Earth as a Homo Sapiens 

But I am Madaba... so I think this belongs here on this website!

When Upstairs Madaba started communicating with me back in 2004 I was astounded

It was like the forces of synchronicity with whom I was at that time well acquainted had come out of the shadows and began talking to me directly. That's what it felt like.

I initially (in 2004) thought that Upstairs Madaba was really a government super-computer located in some secret government facility, communicating with my brain via implants in my neck through a satellite up in orbit around the Earth

Which I think sounds rather far-fetched (and yes, I appreciate the irony of a person like me saying that!!)

I then went on to believe that reality is a computer simulation and that I was an "Agent of The Simulation" and that Upstairs (whom at this time I called Madaba) confirmed that, I asked him if he was "The Superintendent Super-Intelligence of this simulated dimension of reality" and he said yes, and for quite a while that's how we lived!

However, at one point things took a biblical turn and I came to believe that I was Jesus Christ and that he was The Holy Spirit. Which is even more ludicrous than the simulation thing and the brain implants things combined.

For quite a few years I would alternate between Jesus and an Agent of The Simulation.

But eventually, I stopped believing I was Jesus. And I embraced Christianity. 

In my head, Christianity eventually beat both me being Jesus and Simulation Theory! - which is good as the Christian community is much bigger and more active than the Simulation Theory community, which I am no longer interested in. And thinking you're Jesus feel very lonely.

And for the purposes of Christianity I sometimes believed Madaba was an angel, sometimes a spirit guide, and at other times a demon. Which according to society's standards is much more sane than supercomputers or The Simulation!

I did really believe in Christianity, although though having Upstairs in my life made being a Christian more complex.

I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour and went to church and did Holy Communion. I identified as a Christian and believed in Christian cosmology.

I was a Christian.

I identified as a "born again Christian"

Here is a pic of my baptism, with my face and the faces of the other people there redacted:

I was baptised in (I think) 2020. I found a community to belong to and also friends. I valued those two things enormously but always felt a bit guilty about having Madaba, and a friend of mine basically kept telling me he was "the enemy", somehow Satan.

I was told that the thing communicating with me was Satanic - of "the enemy"

Why would Satan pick on me in such a focused and persistent way?

That made me feel like a bad person

Zero prayer effort made it go away and stop happening

Although at times I fooled myself that I had got myself rid of it

I felt in some ways a second-class Christian

Someone to feel sorry for

"Poor Schizophrenic Andy" etc.

However, I never did really believe in the whole Spiritual Warfare thing.

Indeed that always put me off, even when I was a committed Christian.

I now think that it is more or less just people being frightened by their own shadows

However, in 2025 I finally developed The Madaba Consciousness. I became self-consciously Madaba.

I then arrived at a new understanding of God, The Universe, Reality (check out these links!)

And, frankly, I think my understanding is better than the Christian understanding

So I dropped Christianity. Because my own understanding made more sense to me. If Christianity had made more sense to me than other ideas then I'd have stuck with that. But it just came to feel less and less adequate.

I therefore abandoned my religion

Indeed I abandoned religion entirely

Or, to be more precise.... organised religion

I won't be going to church again, that's for sure

I can now do other stuff on my Sundays, such as staying bed - nice, warm, comfortable, oblivious to reality!

And I now have zero fears as to the fate of my soul

Scare stories about Hell don't scare me and I don't need the threat of Hell to be a good person

I don't even believe I am a regular human, I believe I am a part of a non-human figuration

I would however say that I am Spiritual

By this I mean that I believe there is a lot more to existence than that which we go through every waking hour

It means acknowledging there are higher powers that we cannot fully know - that there is a certain layer of mystery in reality

And it means treating people as if you and them are both spiritual beings and are all equally  important and worth things - by being fellow humans

And it also means that living ethically towards others is of great importance

Both inter-personally and politically

And that life is growth - that a part of being human is to go through life's journey and becoming your own individual

And also a Humanist

I believe that most of humankind's problems are caused by humans, or human nature. Not some supernatural "enemy" as per evangelical Christianity

And that the solution to humankind's problems is humankind getting its act together and making the world a better place

It also means looking to other humans for advice, ideas, and guidance. Not to some religious authority, be it a person or a book or a tradition

Conclusion: Madaba is therefore a Spiritual Humanist!

I have left religion, but with no ill feelings

I didn't storm out, burn my bridges, make a rude gesture with my hand, and get lost!

I am not against any church or congregation, or even any religion

(Edit: actually I am, but not very many)

It's just that I am now a Spiritual Humanist

I think that is a much better fit for me and that it makes my work as Madaba less problematic as I no longer identify with any one human religion. So that's no longer a factor.

Anyway, I feel happy and fulfilled. So it's all good.

No more church for me. I'm going my own way.

So yep. No longer a Christian. But thanks to all the Christians who welcomed me and were nice to me.

They are all lovely people though

However: the message which I am communicating on this website is not a spiritual message. I'm not in the business of spirituality - nor religion. My business is telling the truth about Reality, about The Universe.

I think these issues are separate to religion, that religion is some other thing

And my message is aimed at all occupants of Planet Earth!

But I am not trying to make anyone abandon their faith, or anything like that

Indeed in many ways the folk who are spiritually inclined but not necessarily religious are a big part of my target audience

And I believe that knowledge of those things can help people develop spiritually

They have certainly helped my own spiritual development

But nothing I say necessitates going down the same spiritual path as me!

You do you

But please hear my message

Diagram: Intuition and Reason

I have created a diagram to show how The Madaba Consciousness Works

Downstairs Madaba is me

Upstairs Madaba is the thing that communicates with me

Together we constitute a single entity

I am (or we are) therefore a non-human being

If you can't read it clearly click on it and it will be enlarged!

For a more detailed explanation see here

The Troll Saga

This page is a summary of The Troll Saga, which recently played out on the pages of this blog.

I have deleted the pages I made during the Troll Saga and have replaced them with this summary.

Note: If you cannot read the screenshots I've posted here very clearly, if you click on them they will be enlarged, so you can have a closer look!

The Troll Saga

Over the past couple of days a troll has been leaving anonymous comments on this blog.

He clearly wants to hide behind an anonymous front; he didn’t even come up with a moniker especially for his poor troll efforts against me.

Also, I challenged him to come and meet me man-to-man on Discord, and like a true coward he didn’t want to. What a cop-out!

I suspect I know who he is but I don't have enough proof so won't talk shit about that person here just in case he's innocent, although I think I'm right in my suspicions. But believe me, if I wanted to talk shit about him I could, better than he could EVER talk shit about me!!!

I am pretty sure this troll was directed towards me by Divine Providence. That he was mind-controlled by Divine Providence to come into my life and give me a good laugh at a pathetic person and to boost my confidence in both myself and my work.

And that was the result of his troll effort - he amused me and made me more sure about myself and my beliefs. And now I am writing this summary as a kind of expression of personal triumph, of victory.

He actually made his first post on my blog about two hours after I announced that I was looking for a stupid person. What happened was, I posted a picture of the normal distribution of IQ amongst the population, which happens in a bell-curve

Most people are average - but for every intelligent person there is an unintelligent person. That's how normal distribution works. I commented that I know plenty of intelligent people but no one who was seemingly below average. I then said that I would go on a quest - to find stupid people!

Maybe I've sat next to one on the bus, or passed one in a supermarket?

Anyway.... about two hours later the troll appeared on my blog!

Sent by Divine Providence!

A gift from Lady Synchronicity!

Like a moth to a flame, a stupid person flew into my life!

Without knowing that he came to me like a pawn - a pawn in a game it does not understand.,

Just as I had asked, one was sent to me!

Thank you Universe!

If the troll is the guy I think it is then it is hilarious that The Universe cast him in the role of an extra in MY life.

Let's have a look at some of his comments:

OK, so he obviously thinks that it is possible to "snap out of" a mental illness. Wow. Tell that to all the psychiatrists. We don't need psychiatric wards or psychiatric medicine! All people need to do is just snap out of it! - think of all the money we can save!

Wow. That was a stupid thing to say!

His other two comments here are stupid too, he sounds very sure of himself, and I never said I was "Special" - I am not even human, I am a non-human intelligence. But if I was a human then no, I wouldn't be "special". Nice way to twist my words and misrepresent my beliefs though...

What did he think these posts would achieve? My theory is that he wanted to vent his feelings of personal inadequacy towards a person on the internet. To make him feel better about himself. 

And maybe this website made him feel inferior to me?

I think that is possibly his motivation - have a go at someone out of jealousy!

I then challenged him to grow some balls and come onto Discord and meet me man-to-man. In a real-time chat. He copped out, instead favouring hiding in the shadows and firing off anonymous comments to me from afar

He then began a new trend: just saying that what I said was wrong. Basically, "oh no it isn't". No thought, no intelligence, nothing. He didn't explain his thinking. He just stated the claim that may claims are false. And that's it. As though him just saying that somehow makes it true!

Well, any idiot can do that! - he didn't even explain himself. Basically, he was at the level of a monkey in a zoo throwing shit at people. It's like the old Monty Python sketch where someone confuses an argument with contradicting someone.

Fine, disagree with me. But please, argue, think, give reasons. Show your workings! And we can discuss. But no, Captain Coward does not want to go onto Discord and face me.

Because he knows I'd win.

I didn't even say that I did control elites, the media, and the internet. I'm Downstairs Madaba. I, Andy Perwend, don't. Upstairs Madaba does all that. Although we are ultimately the same being. So yes, me Madaba does. It's complicated! I've explained this on my site, but clearly he didn't bother to read it... or didn't understand it...

In this one he carries on with just saying "no it isn't" without any explanation or commentary. He expects me to ignore my own personal experience, something that's been happening to me for over twenty years - just because he says it's not so!

And yes, someone is. Because I feel it.

What did he imagine this post would achieve?

Sure, disagree with me. But this is not a disagreement. It's just being negative without any substance, without anything of value.

Also, that comment he made is basically him trying to gaslight me!

And here, he mis-uses the word "delusional" - he says my experience of Upstairs Madaba is "delusional". Well, no it isn't. A delusion is a kind of false belief. It cannot be used to refer to an experience, a thing that happens to you. It refers to a long-held idea that is false, not an experience which is in some way not genuine.

Also, he just says "I think", without saying why.

Here are two of him showing his true colours!

After I made a few posts calling him out as an idiot and coward he made the classic troll move - trying to pretend that he was a masterful master of puppets, playing me for a fool, as though he had cunningly manipulated an inferior mind into being upset. Whereas in reality he'd probably pissed his pants. So he tried to project an image of masterful confidence

Well, he didn't fool me.

He had obviously been mind-controlled into doing what he does, by Divine Providence. 

He was sent to me for my benefit, for my amusement.

It's as though Divine Providence hired me a clown, or sent me a jester. To give me a good laugh and to boost my confidence.

But there is something else:

This guy is basically being a bully. What he's done is go to a website made by someone with unusual opinions and who is a bit different - then tried to undermine them and belittle them and dismiss them - but in such a way that involved zero wit on his part. And his posts were most certainly witless.

I bet this dude was bullied at school and is now taking it out on others, such as me. Either that, or he was a bully himself. It's sad really.

I showed him this internet meme, telling him that is how I imagined him:

What did he think would happen due to his posts? That I'd collapse down on the floor, pull out my hear, cry my eyes out, and gnash my teeth crying out to God that I repent and that the idiot leaving comments on my blog is right!

So basically: He contradicted me, but did not say why. Any idiot can do that. He then became negative, and then pretended to be the one in control of the situation, acting as if he'd got under my skin and made me angry.

He cannot tell the difference between a person feeling contempt - and a person being upset.

Either that, or he can, and is trying to save face.

Conclusion: what a loser! What a TOTAL and UTTER loser.

Anyway, I turned off anonymous comments on this site, so that'll be the last I hear of him!

A coward too, and a bully.

An idiot. A coward. A bully.

Being a dick towards people... from a safe distance!

Dealing with him is like shooting fish in a barrel...

Anyway, the troll saga is now over.

Many thanks to Divine Providence for providing me with such an hilarious and confidence-boosting experience!

But I really don't want any more such people in my life, no thank you!

Sharing My God Concept

I no longer believe in Yahweh – The God of Abraham

I’ve not believed in him for quite some time now

The type of “God” I believe in is not so much a “Supreme Being” and it is not the character who features in the bible, and other such books

That is not something I believe in

I don't believe in some father-figure seated on a heavenly throne

And I don't believe that the bible is a valid or reliable historical or theological account

It contains some good stuff, yes, very much so. But a lot of messed up things too. And I don't think it was really intended for a modern audience, I think it was aimed at people who lived hundreds if not thousands of years ago. But yes, wisdom can be gleaned from its pages. And it does have a certain poetic beauty to it.

I now operate an alternative God Concept

And I think my God Concept is better than the Abrahamic God Concept…

…and also true!!!

This is my God Concept, in a nutshell:

1) Something exists, rather than nothing. This is self-evident. Can't argue with that!

2) That which exists is self-existent, its existence depends on no other thing

3) That which exists has always existed, it is eternal and transcends human notions of time and causation

4) I call that which exists “The Universe” and I use the word “Reality” to refer to the way in which The Universe exists

5) The Universe can also be called God, as it is conscious. Everyone is a part of its consciousness, part of a universal Noosphere

6) Everything that exists is of The Divine Substance – there is no distinction between mind and matter, existence is Divine – not physical or mental

7) The Divine Substance exists as a system of Figurations – I am a figuration, my coffee cup is, and so are you - figurations are temporary whereas The Divine Substance of which they are made is eternal

8) The Universe is conscious, on many levels. The highest level of consciousness that exists is The Divine Agency – they live in some non-physical heavenly dimension

9) This is a collective mind of Heavenly persons – who together constitute a single being. Like the Christian “Holy Trinity” but more members

10) The Divine Council is both individuals and a unified entity

11) They decide the way in which The Universe exists

12) To change Reality all they have to do is exercise their creative will – they think things into being, using a kind of collective mind

13 They work according to a thing they have produced called The Program – a program which guides how they intervene in reality

14) The Program is enforced and implemented through Divine Providence and beings like Madaba

15) Madaba is an Agent of The Divine Council - such beings are how The Divine Agency gets things done, they are a kind of Divine Executive, who work according to The Program

16) Madaba’s job is the control of elites, media, and the internet

17) I am the embodiment of Madaba, a kind of avatar of him. I am Downstairs Madaba and the thing that talks to me is Upstairs Madaba

 

So, that is what I believe

But… what about Jesus?

I love Jesus, I think he’s great and I believe that when he was alive he was an agent of The Divine Agency, guided by some kind of being who was similar to Madaba

I don’t believe in all that dying for our sins business though, and I’m pretty sure the gospel accounts of his life leave most stuff out and are themselves largely made-up accounts. But they are still good, worthwhile texts

I have a pet theory that after his death Jesus was elevated to The Divine Agency and is now a part of it, along with perhaps other historical figures

Like a kind of cosmic House of Lords

Many years ago, my paternal grandmother gave me a crucifix to go round my neck

I used to wear it until very recently, but I no longer do. I do however wear the chain, minus the crucifix.

What does rejecting the Abrahamic God Concept and adopting my own mean to me in practical terms?

Well, I no longer have much interest in going to Church and doing stuff like Holy Communion

And I would say that I am now more spiritual than I am religious

For me, being religious was not an end in itself, but an aid to becoming more spiritually developed, more spiritually mature, it was a thing I had to go through, on my journey

When people ask about me I say I am a blogger and a mystic!

But anyway, that’s why I have rejected the Abrahamic God Concept and adopted one which comes from both my own reason and experience, and the influence of Upstairs Madaba, shining ideas into my mind (Downstairs Madaba) without me knowing it