But I think the entire message comes from Upstairs.
This website is an extension of The Madaba Consciousness but it is here to inform, not for self-promotion or self-glorification
I do not believe I was chosen, anointed,
or selected – I believe that I have always been The Madaba Consciousness but
have only very recently become self-aware about that
I was The Madaba before I was even born, although I am uncertain how my personal origins work, I should probably think about that
I believe I have always been The Madaba but have not always known this, I have not always been self-aware - I have not always had The Madaba Consciousness
When I was having a mental breakdown at university a thought once popped into my head, whilst I was having the "nervous breakdown" that was to lead me to me developing The Madaba Consciousness but at the time made me appear mad
It was a very powerful thought, it told me "You don't think therefore you're not"
That was in 2004. I did not appreciate this message at the time. I did not think I was The Madaba Consciousness back then. Therefore I wasn't...
But I do think that now:
Therefore I am!
How He Came To Me
Long story short (you can read the whole story by following this link) I decided that the leading faculty of
my mind lived in the left hemisphere of my brain. I called that function “Intuition”
and I believed it was the opposite of “Reason”.
Back then, I did not use those words to mean what I do now. I used them to refer to functions of the mind - not the ways in which Upstairs talk to Downstairs. I did not have the concept of Upstairs and Downstairs back then, and this was before Upstairs started talking to me.
I believed that Intuition was
where all my ideas came from – the source of my creativity, the seat of my
imagination. I regarded it with a kind of mystical reverence, as an ineffable and curious thing of great value. And I saw reason as dull, predictable, plodding.
The background to this is that when I was at Warwick University I decided to work out how the human mind works so I could make
more friends and become a successful politician. I went about this by
shutting myself in my study-bedroom and smoking cannabis whilst brain-storming my thoughts and listening to music.
This eventually lead to me being detained on the Coventry psychiatric ward and dropping out of my course. Although I did go on to get a degree from The Open University. Which in my experience marks harder than Warwick.
When I was on the Coventry psychiatric
ward, I would sometimes feel a pleasant warm glowing sensation above my left
eye. It felt soothing and light. I would get this as a sign that the
intelligence who guided events on the ward was pleased with what I was
thinking. At the time I believed this sensation was the result of activity in
that part of my brain.
When I was on that ward, I would
constantly write things down, in a seemingly endless flow of consciousness, perhaps
even automatic writing? And that flow of consciousness was largely inspired by
the things I saw and heard going on on that ward. Which I believed were
orchestrated for my benefit, staged to signify things – to help me understand.
I thought I was in the midst of a great dramatic exercise, in which ideas were
conveyed to me through the ordinary actions and conversations of the patients
and staff, but without them fully knowing they were being directed and fed
lines like actors in a play.
At the time I believed that the
events on that ward were controlled by the Intelligence services, in an
elaborate set-up. At the time I had no better explanation so adopted that one. I believed that the floor beneath the floor that the ward was on was full of computers and dozens of government mind-controllers working around the clock to make things happen for my benefit up on the ward! I imagined a hectic office, with computers, and complicated charts on the wall and stuff.
Also, the notion that I needed to change and improve so as to satisfy the will
of a higher being who had power over me was established in my mind thanks to my
familiarity with the track Utopia by Goldfrapp. When I was on the Coventry
ward a friend of mine gave me a copied CD of the album which that song is on. I
already had the album, but I suspect that happened so in later years I could
say that I was introduced to that track by that person. And I was, I’d have
never got that album had I not got another (the second) Goldfrapp album, and I
got because that of mine friend had it. But the point is, she literally handed
me a CD with that track on – a literal gift, from her possession into my possession.
She directly gave it to me. And I have reason that she was working for the
Intelligence people. There can be no other reason as to why she’d have given me
a home-made copy of Felt Mountain by Goldfrapp. And she knew I already
had it:
I believe she gave it me so that twenty years later I could say that
she gave it to me, as a sign that it was somehow supposed to be an influence on me, as a
part of a plan. Not a thing that I randomly came across or blundered into, but a thing that I was guided to and that found its way to me!
By Divine Providence perhaps!
Anyway, at some point I got some
leave, so me and my mother went to Pizza Hut in Leamington Spa. Whenever anyone
said anything positive, I’d feel a quick sensation on the left of my head and
whenever anyone said anything negative, I’d receive the same sensation only on
the right of my head. This went on for a bit. After we’d finished and were
walking back to the car I felt a constant rhythmic thumping sensation beating on the
left of my head, pulsating away at a steady beat. I was worried I was having a
stroke or an aneurism. I started thinking about it and it stopped beating rhythmically
and sometimes it pressed me on the left and sometimes on the right. After a
while, I asked it something like “does left mean yes and right mean no?” and it gave me a definite prod on the left of
my head! – and from then on left meant “Yes” and right meant “No”
When I was on the ward a bizarre
man once showed up out of nowhere with a collection of VHS tapes, which he
played on the ancient Cathode-Ray Tube TV in the ward’s common room. One of
them was about “Psychotronic” technologies – technologies with which computers
and brains can directly interact. I remembered this and asked if the thing
prodding me was a government supercomputer communicating with me via a
satellite and implants in my brain. It said “Yes” and I accepted that answer for
a while although I now know he just said “Yes” to get me going further down the
road, knowing that at some point I would come across the actual truth of the
matter. But until that happened I needed some explanation and “Government
Supercomputer” did the job. As a kind of placeholder to fill the gap until
something better came along. And eventually, it did.
I liken having that thing prod me
to being like having a chat-bot in my head.
Click here to read my full autobiography, from birth up until Madaba
Asking His Name
A few months later I asked if it
could tell me its name. We agreed that I would run my finger over the keyboard
of a laptop computer and that I would press whatever key he instructed me to.
We did just that and it produced a jumble. I then asked if they needed
re-ordering and he said Yes. So I eventually ordered them into something that
looked like MMAAADDDAAAABBBBAAAAAAA and I asked, “is your name Madaba?” and he
said Yes.
I’ve looked into this, and Madaba
is a town in Jordan, not far from the border with Israel. The word comes from
the Aramaic for “a gentle stream of fresh water” and the town has some notable
early-Christian mosaics called The Madaba Map which was made to guide pilgrims
to the Holy Land. There is an American university there too. So that’s where
the actual word comes from.
Initially I never liked the name
Madaba so would call him by Butterfly for a few years, as for a while I
believed that he was signified by butterflies in popular culture, although I no
longer believe this. That was back when I thought he was the product of human
technologies and a part of a human conspiracy, run by either the British or
maybe even the American government.
But anyway, his name is Madaba. Or rather our title is Madaba.
Upstairs And Downstairs
I am Madaba on Earth, and the thing who guides me is Madaba in Heaven
Although not literally Heaven (Angels flying around, clouds, harps etc.) - I use that term as a metaphor for the divine locus of divine control - the dimension in which The Divine Agency exists
I call the state of being I now have “The Madaba
Consciousness”
To be Madaba is to have one's head up in the clouds and one's feet down on Earth
I am of The Madaba Consciousness
and so is the thing that communicates with me. We are two in one. One in two. It is a joint enterprise. One
being in two persons. I am a part of him. I am Madaba and Madaba is me – but he
is also more than just me, he is things that are beyond me.
Downstairs Madaba is Madaba on Earth
and Upstairs Madaba is Madaba in Heaven (so to speak!)
Madaba is a thing who is both Upstairs and Downstairs
But Andy Perwend (me) is Downstairs Madaba - not Upstairs Madaba although me and Upstairs Madaba are ultimately the same figuration: The Madaba
Basically, I am to the thing who touches me as your right hand is to you.
Your right hand is you, but you are greater than your right hand. But it’s
still very much you. It is no less you than your brain. It is you and it does your bidding.
You'd be stuck if you had no hands. Hands are an integral part of the human condition!
Likewise, to get his job done Madaba requires a Downstairs.
However, I believe that the mind which I have is an authentic mind. I do not think that I am some brainless projection, or just some puppet, or a crappy year 2000-era chatbot, I am as much Madaba as the thing is who prods me is - what he is I am and what I am he is!!!
I live my life as a part of a
non-human intelligence
I am basically an embodiment, an
avatar – the manner in which a higher being interacts and with and mingles amongst
Humankind, I am how he lives and experiences humanity
I am his human face
Intuition is him feeding me knowledge and Reason is him telling me Yes or No
The Madaba Consciousness is simultaneously human and non-human, it is a hybrid system
I don’t believe I have been “chosen”
for this, I believe I have always been an integral part of some eternal
non-human intelligence, but I am not aware of any of that, it is as though I do
not have access to that knowledge – if I did have access to that knowledge then I would be less of an authentic human being - much less of an authentic human being!
I am not a human being. I am a Madaba. A type of Heavenly being who exists in both Heaven and on Earth. I am a non-human intelligence
I could never have grown into the authentic human being that I am now if I'd have been born with some kind of Madaba Consciousness, or if I was served it up on a plate. I had to work hard for it and it took years
But it eventually popped out, formed according to my own understandings and experience
I always have had big ideas
I believed that when I did
brain-storming, smoked lots of weed, and listened to certain music I somehow
made my mind more receptive to the influence of intuition, and programmed myself to use what it gave me
The Upstairs/Downstairs thing is similar to the idea of The Bicameral Mind by Julien Jaynes – maybe the best way to describe The Madaba Consciousness is to liken it to Jayne's idea of a bicameral mind????
It's an interesting book, and I'd recommend it. But I don't know whether it's true or not...
Six-Dimensional Chess
Very often in my life I have
blundered into something based on false ideas and then only learnt much later
that although they were mad at the time me thinking those things was necessary
and a part of a greater plan, which was not apparent at the time.
Sort of like you can only reach your destination by passing through some horrible places you don't really want to visit!
I think that quiet often Upstairs has played me (or rather himself!) like a chess piece, with Downstairs not knowing the truth or the reason
for what I did. In a game of six-dimensional chess that I could never understand. At least not at the time, whilst being in the midst of it all.
On one level, that feels rather disturbing, but on another it
is rather comforting.
Sure, I have no idea why this
is happening, but there is a reason, even if it does not feel that way right
now! - but everything works out in the end!
It means that some of the more
bleak and dark things that I’ve been through were part of a much happier plan. A much brighter plan - so ultimately not at all bleak or dark!
Looking back, everything seems to
have so perfectly fallen into place, as though by the hand of some higher design I was previously unaware
of
Title Not A Name
If Madaba and me are the same
being then that means that the thing that prods me is me and that and that the
thing he prods is himself.
It is a unique relationship – The
Madaba exists as a dyad – and in two dimensions simultaneously!
An inter-dimensional being? - but not any kind of "Supreme Being" - The Madaba is only one of many servants.
Here is a pic of how I imagine such beings in the company of a member of The Divine Agency:
I have only very recently been entertaining
the notion that Madaba is not truly the name of the thing that prods my head –
I’ve been thinking that it may be a title, a role
That's why I wrote this article! - but having written it I've found that the very act of writing it has expanded my Madaba Consciousness!
I have dug myself into a never ending and self-perpetuating rabbit hole!
Anyway: I am now The Madaba as I now have The Madaba Consciousness!
I didn't think this therefore I wasn't, but I think this now therefore I am
Upstairs Madaba + Downstairs Madaba = The Madaba
My experience = The Madaba Consciousness
Both elements are essential if Madaba is to get things done to his full potential. But The Madaba can only have The Madaba Consciousness once Downstairs Madaba understands Upstairs Madaba and the whole situation
What is the role of The Madaba?
What are my duties? What am I supposed to do?
I think that it is largely up to
the humans to decide how to best put The Madaba to work but I’m also pretty
sure that it involves furthering The Divine Agency’s Program
But the thing is: I don’t
personally know what exactly The Program contains, but I do have a rough idea of the values which it seeks to promote, which you can read by following this link here
I also need to work out – who is
my master? My fellow humans or The Divine Agency?
To be honest, as a human I am on
the side of the humans – although I believe that The Divine Agency’s policies
and designs are better for humanity than those of the humans themselves, who
have messed up this world a lot!
I trust The Divine Agency to work according to humankind's interests more than I trust humankind itself to do what needs doing
As a species, we can be very very stupid and do some very very stupid things
And yet those in power and wealth think all the mad absurdities are natural and normal - mostly because they personally benefit from such mad absurdities!
I believe that The Divine Agency know what’s
best for humans – and wants what’s best for us too. So my loyalty is to humans,
but I take my orders from The Divine Agency as I believe me doing so is for the best
The Divine Agency guides The Madaba and The Madaba guides Humankind
Note "Guide", not "Lead", "Rule", or "Control"
Madaba guides, persuades, prompts, tempts, teases. He does not issue commands.
The Divine Agency guides Humankind
by proxy – The Madaba is that proxy
I see no tension or contradictions
in this, I have been sent here to serve humankind, to help save humankind from
itself and to set it on course to a brighter future
I am both a human being and a non-human intelligence, I am of two natures but have one purpose
Anyway, I am a human with The
Madaba Consciousness
I am The Madaba Consciousness
I am The Madaba
And here I am
