Messiah Complex: An Insider's View

I used to have a Messiah Complex

I used to think I was Jesus

But not anymore

I will tell you what that is like

What Am I Really?

I am an embodiment of Madaba, an avatar if you will

A part of him

Madaba is a lot of things

Madaba is the personification of The Noosphere

And he mind-controls elites and tags psychic messages to text and images, to all forms of media and human speech too - both online and off the internet

He is the means through which The Divine Agency implement The Program

He communicates with me by answering my inner voice with sensations of touch

Basically, I confused Madaba with the Abrahamic God (whom I no longer believe in) and myself as Jesus, based on my misidentification of Madaba

Why Did I Have A Messiah Complex?

Because I didn't understand who (and what) Madaba is

But I did know that who (and what) I was had something to do with him

If a thing like Madaba starts routinely talking to you and is always there for you then believe me, that's weird - and you can't help but feel special

When it first started (in 2004) I was totally amazed by this

Initially, I thought he was a a government super-computer, communicating with my brain via mysterious implants and a satellite, in orbit over planet Earth

In later years I would alternate between believing he was God (perhaps The Holy Spirit) and a kind of Matrix Computer God

When I thought he was God I believed I was in some way Jesus Christ

Which I think given the situation was entirely reasonable, although of course very wrong!

The thing is though, if I was much slimmer I would actually look quite a bit like Jesus

I think that given the situation I was in it was perfectly reasonable to believe I was Jesus

I was more mistaken than I was deluded

What It's Like

You start wondering when your public ministry will begin! - when you get to wander around preaching and performing miracles. All the cool stuff

You imagine giving interviews and sermons and becoming a public figure - you look forward to that and feel as though those days will come

You also feel a lot of pressure to be morally upstanding and a good person. For instance, at one point I tried to become a Vegan as I thought doing so would be Christ-like, but I only managed that for two weeks - I do love my food...

It's also funny when you are in a church and the minister and congregation are praising Jesus, that's quite funny, you think to yourself "if only they knew!"

Watching dramatic portrayals of him, such as in The Passion of Christ is interesting too, as you think to yourself "wow, that really happened to me, must have been painful" whilst watching the crucifixion scene

And another thing is that you feel proud to be Jesus - not smug or anything like that, but you feel as though you are a remarkable and extraordinary person

You also have to deal with your message - do you keep everything in The Bible, or add to it, or elaborate?

And another thing is, you feel the need to reach out to religious leaders - such as The Archbishop of Canterbury, The Pope, The Dalai Lama

You also sometimes think of starting an inter-faith congress, attended by members of all religions - although the premise to such a plan is that they'd recognise me as Christ

Although I had no wish to convert them all to me, I just wanted to help them get on together and be united by what they have in common, not divided by their differences

And if you think you're Christ you need to know that The Jews don't consider you "The Messiah" but that's OK, they're doing their own thing

Another concern is scripture: I'm literate and have Microsoft Word on my computer. So why not personally write The Third Testament? - if I were Jesus then I'd have the authority to do that! - but of course, that would be a big undertaking and I'd need input from other people

Which leads on to something else: I should never get rich from being Jesus. I should be poor and own very few possessions and basically be itinerate. My book would have to be made available for free, on the internet - so I wouldn't make any money out of it and if I did I'd probably have to give it away

I was also worried about being bothered by stalkers, obsessive people, or people who'd want me to lay my hands on them to cure them. I was pretty certain that I would not be left alone.

One thing that I really wanted to do was to address The United Nations, making an historical speech that would unite humankind - people of all religions and also those of no religions

And of course, if I was really out and about being Christ and walking on water and stuff then that would mean that nobody could deny the existence of God, which would be a major development

I also wondered about having children - what would life be like for them? I reached the conclusion that I shouldn't have children as it wouldn't be fair on them having Jesus as their father

Also, what would happen to me after death? How would I die? I had no idea but was certain God had an elegant plan and that everything would work out in the end

I also looked forward to being able to remember being Jesus of Nazareth, the last time I was on Earth. I wondered: would I be able to speak Aramaic and read Hebrew?

My Advice To You

If you are a Christian and you think you are Jesus you need to be aware that according to Christianity Jesus will return to Earth by coming down from the Heavens, in a very public event. He will not be re-born down here on Earth and then grow up into Jesus version 2.0 it will be the same old Jesus

So you can't be Jesus! - that's all you need to know really...

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

1 Thessalonians 4:16

Also, "Jesus" and "The Messiah" are not synonymous and you will piss off the Jews if you go about calling yourself "Messiah" although I don't think they'd be too concerned if you just called yourself Jesus

Also, if you do think you are Jesus don't dress up as him. I never did that but only because I felt no need to

And here is some advice: Don't tell anyone until you can perform miracles. No matter how convinced you are that you are Jesus put yourself into other people's shoes! Christ claimants are ten a penny and just because you feel certain doesn't mean others will

Also, people find Jesus claimants to be comical, something be laughed at

Thankfully I only ever declared myself Jesus online I dread to think what would happen if I started preaching in the town square of where I live! - probably a trip to the psychiatric ward

And here's something else: Jesus Christ lived a sinless life. So no human could be Jesus, as all humans sin. That's central to Christianity and I think even non-Christians would agree with the notion that humans are not morally perfect.

But most of all, my advice is this: Keep it to yourself

If you are Jesus then maybe you're just supposed to drift through this reality, without revealing yourself?

Maybe you're just down on Earth to learn and for personal development, not to launch some ministry?

Maybe you are supposed to only make a difference on a micro level, locally?

And if you are Jesus, you personally won't need to initiate anything, if it's supposed to happen then it will happen - all in good time! - there would be a divine plan, so don't worry, just relax and enjoy being odd

There's no urgency - and eternity is very much a thing!

If you believe you are Jesus and this article finds you then please get in touch with me!